You didn't come this far to lose yourself at the top
Okay, let's talk about something nobody puts in the leadership books.
You worked hard. You got the title, the seat at the table, maybe even the team you always wanted. And somewhere between your first big promotion and right now — you look up and wonder: when did I stop feeling like myself?
It's not burnout, exactly. It's something quieter and weirder. It's the feeling of losing yourself in leadership — so slowly you almost didn't notice. Like you've been swapping out pieces of yourself to fit the role, and now the role fits great. But you? You're somewhere in the lost and found, wondering how to feel like you again.
Pour yourself something good. Let's get into it.
In this post
1. What "leadership energy" actually means
2. What losing yourself in leadership looks like
3. The (sneaky) ways we abandon ourselves
4. So — where are you, really?
1. What "leadership energy" actually means
Here's what I'm not talking about: power poses, speaking with authority, or making sure your handshake is firm enough. That's surface-level stuff and honestly? A little exhausting.
Leadership energy — the real kind — is what happens when you show up to lead. Not the version of you that's been sanded down to fit the room. Not the voice you put on in meetings that sounds vaguely like your old manager. You. Your actual instincts, your values, your way of seeing things.
It's the feeling of being fully in your body and your role at the same time. Grounded. Clear. Like you're leading from the inside out — not performing leadership from the outside in.
When you're in it, you know. Things feel easier. Your decisions feel like yours. You're not second-guessing every word or wondering what "a real leader" would do — because you are the real leader, and she's right here.
2. What losing yourself in leadership actually looks like
The tricky thing about this is it doesn't happen all at once. There's no dramatic moment where you wake up and go, "welp, I've abandoned myself!" It's slow. And most of it happens under the guise of being a good leader.
Sound familiar?
You stop sharing your actual opinion in meetings because you don't want to seem difficult.
You say yes to everything because that's what "being a team player" looks like.
You shrink your ambition so someone else in the room can feel bigger.
You talk to yourself in ways you would never, ever talk to someone you care about.
You feel vaguely resentful but can't quite name why — because from the outside, everything looks great.
That last one hits home. Because when everything looks fine on paper, it's really hard to give yourself permission to say: actually, something important is off.
3. The sneaky ways we abandon ourselves
Let's be honest with each other. Self-abandonment in leadership rarely looks dramatic. It looks reasonable. It looks like being adaptable, staying humble, not making waves. Which is exactly what makes it so sneaky.
Here's where it hides:
In your inner dialogue
The voice that says "who do you think you are?" every time you have a good idea. The one that replays every mistake but forgets every win. That voice isn't leadership — it's fear wearing a blazer.
In your decisions
Making choices based on what will make you look good, keep the peace, or avoid conflict — instead of what you actually believe is right. That's not being strategic; that's being scared.
In your relationships at work
Performing warmth instead of actually connecting. Keeping everything professional to the point of distant. Leading through authority instead of trust. People can feel the difference — and so can you.
In how you talk about yourself
Downplaying your ideas before anyone else can. Over-explaining. Adding "just" and "sorry" to every sentence. Crediting everyone else when something goes well, taking full blame when it doesn't.
4. So where are you, really?
I'm not going to hand you a five-step framework for "getting yourself back." That's not how this works — and honestly, that's kind of the whole problem with how leadership development has been done.
What I will do is leave you with one question. Sit with it. Be honest. Pour another glass if you need to:
The leader you've always admired most — is she anything like the one you've been showing up as lately?
Take your time with that one.
And if you want to explore what that looks like for you specifically — not a framework, not a formula — I'd love to have that conversation.
Because, the leader you admire most? She's you. She's always been you. It's time to let her lead.
xo, Lindsey