Five Things People Get Wrong About Self-Skills™ (And One Thing They Always Get Right)
Okay so I've been talking about Self-Skills™ for a while now. And I've noticed some patterns in how people respond.
Some women immediately go "YES. Finally someone is saying this." And they book a call.
And some women go "I don't know... this sounds a little..." And they don't.
This post is for the second group. Because I think a lot of what's stopping women from engaging with this work is based on misconceptions. And I'd rather just address them head on than watch another high achieving woman talk herself out of something that could genuinely change how she leads.
So here we go.
Misconception 1: "This is just therapy with a different name"
I get why it sounds that way. Self-worth. Self-compassion. Self-acceptance. It sounds like something you'd work on in a therapist's office.
But here's the actual difference. Therapy explores where your patterns came from. Self-Skills™ work looks at how those patterns are showing up in your leadership right now — and what to do about them this week.
We're not asking why you became who you are. We're asking how who you are is showing up in that meeting, that decision, that conversation you've been avoiding. And what to do about it on Monday morning.
Same human. Completely different conversation.
Misconception 2: "This is soft. I need real leadership development."
Can I just say, self-regulation under pressure isn't soft. Self-trust when the stakes are high isn't soft. The ability to make a call when everyone is looking at you and own it afterward isn't soft.
These are some of the hardest leadership competencies there are. They just happen to be internal instead of external. And the leadership industry has been calling anything internal "soft" for so long that we've all started believing it.
Self-Skills™ are what determine whether your "real" leadership development actually sticks. You can learn every communication framework in the world. But if self-trust isn't underneath it you'll edit yourself before you ever use it. The soft thing would be skipping this layer entirely and wondering why nothing changes.
Misconception 3: "I don't have time for this. I need results now."
Okay so here's the thing. Self-Skills™ work isn't a years long excavation of your inner world. It's applied. It's practical. It's specifically designed to show up in your actual leadership: in real time, in real situations, at your real job.
We're not doing abstract self-discovery for its own sake. We're working on what's showing up in your leadership right now and making it better. The results don't come someday. They come Monday morning.
Misconception 4: "This is for leaders who are struggling. I'm doing fine."
This is actually the one that gets me the most. Because the women who come to me "doing fine" are often the ones who need this work the most.
Doing fine on paper. But going home exhausted in a way sleep doesn't fix. Succeeding by every measure that's supposed to matter and still feeling like something is off. Getting the promotion and wondering why it doesn't feel the way they thought it would.
Self-Skills™ aren't for leaders who are failing. They're for leaders who are succeeding and want their leadership to actually feel like them.
Misconception 5: "My company should be paying for this, not me."
Honestly? Yes. They should. And some of them are. I work with women inside organizations who have invested in this work for their teams because they understand what it does for performance, retention and leadership culture.
But if your company isn't there yet (and a lot of them aren't) that doesn't mean you have to wait. Because the women who invest in their own Self-Skills™ development don't just become better leaders. They become the kind of leaders who make the case for this work inside their organizations. They become the ones who change the culture from the inside.
And that's worth investing in. Even if your company hasn't figured that out yet.
The one thing people always get right
When a woman finally does engage with this work, when she gets past the misconceptions and just does it, she always says some version of the same thing.
"I wish I'd done this sooner."
Because it was finally the first leadership development that actually felt like it was built for her. Finally, the first time someone worked on the layer underneath everything else instead of just adding more pointless skills on top.
And that's the whole point of Self-Skills™. Not to replace all the things you've learned. But to make those things actually work.
This is post 3 of 3 in a series on Self-Skills™ — the internal competencies that sit underneath everything else in your leadership.
If any of this landed, come find me. My 1:1 coaching calendar is open.
xo Lindsey 🌸